I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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