I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
