I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
