i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
