Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
