Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
