i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
