Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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