There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize