I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
