WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
