So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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