Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
