did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
