I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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