His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
