yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
