I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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