we're blogging at a bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
