My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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