Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they're like a gay fantastic four
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
