Soap is not a condiment
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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