If that was your dad, he is hot
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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