I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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