Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
