put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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