he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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