i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
