I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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