I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
