I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
