Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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