last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
