You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize