you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
