I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize