Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
