I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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