There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
