Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
