I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
