we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
