Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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