Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
