is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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