she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
