a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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