woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
