just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize