watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
