I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
