k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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