oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
