Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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