Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
