if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
