Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize