I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
