I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
