he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
