I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
