My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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