Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
