i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
