We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are a genius and a whore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
