Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
