help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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