R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
