Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
