How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will pee on everything he values.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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