And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
