just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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