we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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