Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize