im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have feelings that need drinking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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