the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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