$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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