My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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