On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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