Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
