I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
