Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
