I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
