$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't deserve a penis
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
