dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
