Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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