Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
