My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
