whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no, he came in my armpit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
