I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
