You're so nebulous sometimes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just invented taco cereal.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
