Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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