Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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