i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
