I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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