Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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