My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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