Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
