Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize