just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
