Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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