she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize