He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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