tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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