i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Boobs speak an international language.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
