Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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